Lawyer Jokes

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A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. “That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

The man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”

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Last night I slept just like lawyers. I lied on one side, and then I lied on the other.

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A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.

“That’s such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn’t there anything I can do?” pleaded the patient. “Marry a lawyer,” the doctor advised. “It will be the longest six months of your life.”

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Two duck hunters ran into one another early one morning. One of them noticed that the other’s dog was just sitting there, with absolutely no interest in retrieving any of the fowl his master had downed.

“What’s wrong with your dog?” the first hunter asked. “The last time I saw you two he was one of the best bird dogs I had ever seen!”

“Well,” the other hunter replied, “His name is Lawyer. He used to run all over creation, working hard to get the job done. Then one day someone made the mistake of calling him Judge. Now all he does is sit on his ass and bark.”

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