Lawyer Jokes

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A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to the place of eternal torment, he saw a lawyer making passionate love to a beautiful women.

“What a ripoff,” the man muttered. “I have to roast for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.”

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”

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The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer.

"I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for that express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end.

Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer".

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A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention.

More than 500 lawyers were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

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How many personal injury lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company

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