Lawyer Jokes

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You've changed my mind
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."

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Leaving money for the dead
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to spend over there."

They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine ...
... when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
Why are you eating grass? he asked one man.
We don't have any money for food, the poor man replied.
Oh, well, you can come with me to my house, instructed the lawyer.
But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!
Bring them along! replied the lawyer.
He turned to the other man and said: You come with us, too.
But, sir, I have a wife and six children! the second man answered.
Bring them as well! answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied: Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the Grass is almost a foot tall!

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Once a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven.

God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed.

First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope.
Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman.

"Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."

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