Lawyer Jokes

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The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant doesn't answer.

The Godfather asks again, "where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is.
The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, " He doesn't know what you're talking about "
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the hammer and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"

The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

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Excerpts taken from real court cases compiled from the Salt Lake Tribune.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

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A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

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Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”?

Yeah, it comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.

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