Lawyer Jokes

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A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.
He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
"How much for engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for doctor brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

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A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.

The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon receiving his drink he mutters: "All lawyers are assholes." A guy down the bar angrily yells: "HEY!" "Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?" The man replies. "No I'm an asshole!"

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