Lawyer Jokes

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A junior partner from a large New York law firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of a host of white collar crimes, including embezzling, racketeering and perjury.

The trial was grueling. After many painstaking weeks, the junior partner prevailed.

With the trial successfully resolved and the client acquitted and released, the junior partner was ecstatic. He immediately telegraphed the firm.

The telegraph read simply: "Justice prevailed."

The next day a response came from the senior partner: "Appeal immediately."

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A small-town college grad went to the big city to get his law degree. When he passed the bar, he moved back to the small town where he was born to open his own law practice. On the first day in his new office, he sat at his desk and waited for the first client.

After a long, boring wait, the door finally opened and a man entered. Wanting to make a good impression on his first client, the lawyer grabbed the telephone and started talking.

"No, Absolutely not," the lawyer barked into the phone. "You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
The man waited patiently as the lawyer rambled on and on into the phone. Finally, the lawyer put down the phone.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm very busy. I just opened this office and the phone has been ringing off the hook. Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Oh, no problem," said the man. "I'm with AT&T. I came to hook up your phone."

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The son of a prominent attorney graduated from college and considered his future. He turned to his father, who had an established solo law practice. He asked for a clerkship in his father's office, and his father agreed.

On his first day in the office, the young man saw a cowboy enter and speak to a secretary. The secretary immediately ushered the cowboy into the attorney's office. The young man listened carefully to what the cowboy had to say.

"Sir," began the cowboy, "I work on a ranch on the east side of town for the Gonzalez family. For many years, I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised the cows, tended them and fed them. It has always been my understanding that when Mr. Gonzalez died, I would inherit these cows."

The attorney listened carefully.

The cowboy continued, "Now that Mr. Gonzalez has died, his son has taken the cows. He says that he now owns the land and everything on it. In short, we have a dispute as to the ownership of the cows."

The attorney said, "I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!"

After the cowboy left, the next client, a well-dressed man, entered. The young law clerk listened carefully as the well-dressed man hurried past the secretary to talk to the attorney.

"Sir, my name is Gonzalez," began the well-dressed man.

"I own a farm on the east side of the town. For many years, a cowboy has worked for my family, tending the crops and animals, including some cows. The cows have been raised on my land and fed on my hay. I believe they belong to me, but the cowboy claims they are his. In short, we have a dispute over ownership of the cows."

The lawyer said, "I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!"

After the client left, the son came over to his father with a look of concern.

"Father, you told both men you would take their case. You know much more about the law than I, but how can this be? They are both in a dispute over the cows!"

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" said the attorney. "The cows will be ours!"

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he Mayor of New York City had just bought a new car. It was a brand new Mercedes-Benz, and he parked it outside of City Hall in his special reserved space. After a short council meeting, the Mayor decided to take a few associates out for lunch in his new car. To his dismay, his brand new car had been "bombed" by a flock of pigeons. He muttered, "I really need to do something about those pigeons."

The Mayor sped away in his car and drove to a local park to calm himself down. He sat by the lake and fed the ducks and the pigeons. As the Mayor walked toward his car, he noticed a large group of pigeons flocked around his car. He ran to his car only to find that it had been pecked at and was covered in pigeon poop. The Mayor yelled in anger and made up his mind: he was going to get rid of all the pigeons.

He printed ads in all the main newspapers, alerting everyone that the City was offering huge cash rewards to anyone who could get rid of all the pigeons. After a long day of interviews with crazy people and their crazy ideas, a man dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase arrived.

The man said simply, "I will get rid of all the pigeons in an effective manner for the low cost of only one million dollars, but there is one important condition. You must pay an additional one million for every question you ask."

The Mayor quietly agreed. The man opened his briefcase, and a pink pigeon flew out.

The Mayor thought, "How in the world could this work?" He fought to hold back the question on his lips.

To the Mayor's amazement, all the pigeons were shocked at the pink bird and started to follow it. The pink pigeon flew toward the harbor and dove right in. All the pigeons followed the pink one and drowned. The pink pigeon flew out the water and back into the briefcase.

As the man closed the briefcase, the Mayor pulled out his checkbook. He wrote a check for two million dollars.

With a smile, the Mayor handed the man the check and asked, "Do you have any pink lawyers?"

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