Lawyer Jokes

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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. Frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. He, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

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A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments in a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.

"I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35 years old," claimed the attorney.

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and he agreed to check on his case.

After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there is no mistake my son..."

We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108 years old."

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A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, ''Is there a criminal attorney in town?''

To which the man behind the counter immediately replied, ''Yes, but we can't prove it yet!''

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A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.M., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice"

Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, "You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!"

Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"

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