Lawyer Jokes

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A group of dinner guests were blaming all of America's troubles on lawyers when a woman said, "They aren't all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1000."

"I don't believe it," the host responded.

"It's true, I swear it," said the woman. "I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer's fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference."

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Having many legal problems, including a divorce, a local man had become thoroughly disgusted with lawyers in general. One evening in a bar, the conversation got around to his pet peeve and he started 'venting'. "All lawyers are jerks," he loudly proclaimed.

Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed, and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said, and I am highly offended by it."

"Why is that? Are you a lawyer?" the first man asked.

The second guy replied, "No! I'm NOT a lawyer. I'm a jerk."

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A man can't find a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks out a law firm: Jones, Jones, Jones & Jones.

He calls up and asks, "Is Mr. Jones in?"

The person answering the phone responds, "No, he's out playing golf."

The caller requests, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Jones."

"He's not with the firm any more, he's retired."

"Then let me talk to Mr. Jones."

"He's away in Boston, won't be back for a month."

"Okay, then let me talk to Mr. Jones."

"Speaking!"

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What happened to the two gay judges?

They tried each other.

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