Lawyer Jokes

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer.

The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer then asks about the next parrot. The owner says that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you go first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy is a pimp, a gambler, and a thief."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

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A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.

"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.

"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.

"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.

The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."

"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.

"Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is dead."

"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

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Three engineers and three attorneys were traveling by train to a conference. The attorneys each bought their own ticket, then they watched as the three engineers bought a single ticket for all of them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one attorney.

"Just watch and see," answered an engineer.

As the curious attorneys took their seats, the three engineers crammed into a single restroom. The ticket agent came by, knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

The door opened a crack and a single arm emerged with the ticket in hand.

The attorneys agreed it was a clever idea and decided to try it themselves.

They bought a single ticket for their return trip, but to their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without even one ticket?" asked an attorney.

"Just watch and see," came the reply.

So the three attorneys crammed into the restroom, waiting for the ticket agent to come.

As the train pulled away from the station, one of the engineers knocked on the restroom door where the attorneys were hiding and said, "Ticket please."

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