Lawyer Jokes

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While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.

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A Russian, a Cuban, and a Californian with his attorney are riding on a train through Switzerland.

The Russian pulls a bottle of premium vodka out of his suitcase, takes a swig, and says, "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world. Nowhere in the world can you find vodka as good as in Russia. And we have so much of it that we can just throw it away..."

Saying that, the Russian open the window and chucks the bottle out. It shatters on the railroad tracks.

Not to be outdone, the Cuban produces a Havana cigar and lights it. After a couple of puffs, the Cuban says, "In Cuba, we have the best cigars in the world. Nowhere in the world are there such fine cigars. And we have so many of them that we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away..."

The Cuban hurls his cigar out the open window and sits back down proud.

The American looks around and says "Well, I don't know about the best, but…"

With that, the American throws his attorney out the window.

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Two lawyers are leaving their office, walking down the street of New York City with their briefcases.

"I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's underwear right off."

The other lawyer chuckles, "I know the feeling!"

"No, I'm serious," says the first lawyer. "They're killing me."

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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.

On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," said the mother, "Why would you think that?"

The little girl replied, "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

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