Lawyer Jokes

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A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?"

"Of course we do," replied the bartender.

"Great," said the man, "I'd like a beer... and give me a lawyer for my gator."

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A pious clergyman was seated next to an overbearing attorney on a flight from Phoenix to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.

The attorney asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant leaned over and asked the clergyman if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."

The attorney then handed his drink back to the attendant and told her, "I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a choice."

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Four surgeons are having a coffee after performing surgery. "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." says the first.

"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered."

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are colour coded."

The fourth one said, ""I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable"

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A man walks into a lawyer's office, interested in retaining legal counsel.

The lawyer informs the man that he will work on a contingent fee.

"What is a contingent fee?" asked the man.

The lawyer replied, "A contingent fee means if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."

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