Lawyer Jokes

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Lawyer on cell phone
A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
"I locked my keys in my sports car!" said the nervous lawyer.

"No problem, I should be there in about an hour," replied the locksmith.

"Do you think you can make it a little sooner?" pleaded the lawyer. "My top is down and it’s starting to rain."

http://www.power-of-attorneys.com/jokes_by_category.asp?Category_ID=10

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Attorney Vs. Chiropractor
A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back. He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man's hands on his back.
"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"

"I'm a chiropractor," the man replied, "and sometimes I can't keep myself from practicing my skills."

"Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I'm an attorney, and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

http://www.power-of-attorneys.com/jokes_by_category.asp?Category_ID=10

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New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million…"

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support…"

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Lawyer-Jokes/New-Lawyer.html

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Important Legal Terminology
Heard between a student and her teacher in the class:

Teacher: When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, what do we call him?
Student: An accomplice.
Teacher: And if a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, what do we call him then?
Student: A Defense Attorney!!!
http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com

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