Lawyer Jokes

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A Russian, a Cuban, an American, and a Lawyer were on a train.
The Russian took a bottle of the best Russian vodka out of his pack, poured some into a glass, drank it, and said, "In USSR, ve haaf the best vodka of the vorld, no-vere in the vorld you can find vodka as good as vhat ve produce in Ukrainia. And ve have so much of it, that ve can just throw it avay..." With that said, he opened the window and threw the rest of the bottle out. All the others were quite impressed.
The Cuban, not to be out-done, took out a pack of Havanas, lit one, and began to smoke it saying, "In Cuba, we have los best cigars in the mundo. Ay, Havana! Nowhere in the mundo is there a better cigar, and we have muchos of them, so we can just throw them away..."
Having said this, he threw the rest of the pack of Havanas through the open train window. Again, everybody is quite impressed.
At this time, feeling that the explanation could be skipped, the American stood up, grabbed the lawyer, and tossed him out the window.

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A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the loud, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.

(At this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left!)

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good deed, and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay", replied the priest, "I got him with the door!"

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If a lawyer and a tax inspector were both drowning, and you could only save one of them,
would you go to lunch or read the paper?

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A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

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