Lawyer Jokes

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A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

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The correct response to a law firm summer associate rejection letter:

BIGLAW LLP
666 Market Lane
New York, NY 10000

Dear BIGLAW Firm:

Thank you for your recent letter. In view of my summer employment needs, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a summer position at this time.

I and my fellow students have had a very successful rejection collection program this winter. I assure you that it was a difficult decision, as I have been rejected by many high quality firms of talented lawyers such as your own. With such great interest, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

I am sorry that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. I look forward to starting summer employment with you as soon as finals are finished, and invite you to reject me again for your 2007 summer associate program.

Best regards,
A Law Student

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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:

"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.

"What do you do?"

The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

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Two duck hunters ran into one another early one morning. One of them noticed that the other’s dog was just sitting there, with absolutely no interest in retrieving any of the fowl his master had downed.
"What ‘s wrong with your dog?" the first hunter asked. "The last time I saw you two he was one of the best bird dogs I had ever seen!"

"Well," the other hunter replied, "His name is Lawyer. He used to run all over creation, working hard to get the job done. Then one day someone made the mistake of calling him Judge. Now all he does is sit on his ass and bark."

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