Lawyer Jokes

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Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a doctor took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys.

The doctor kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, "I think I will get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the doctor. "I'll get it for you."

While the doctor was gone, one of the attorneys picked up one of the, doctor's shoes and spat in it. When he returned with the coke the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the doctor obligingly went to fetch the coke. While he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The doctor returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the doctor slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on," asked the doctor, "this fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

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One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

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At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

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Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same
service.

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