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Dear Judged
Symbolism.Your Honor:

    Hi.  It's me, SophieB. again.  I am quite perplexed and, perhaps, a little shaken.  Do you play favorites?  The reason I say this is because I see where you have awarded people access to your inner circle (symbolized by a crown) with only 7 postings or none, crowns with red x's marked through them (and, admittedly, I don't know what that means), gifts after a short posting, adjectives (flattering or not) below their user names, among other things.  I feel a little unloved (not there is much love in the lawyer world anyway...).

    By the way, I was invited for an interview with Blue Williams LLP here in Mandeville.  However, I chickened out because, well, I am a pro se litigant.

    Are you comfortable with pro se litigants?


SophieBee
posted 2007-08-13 11:13:33


Dear SophieBee,

My Dear Sophie,

dear, sweet, delusional, emotionally insecure Sophie,

Put your fears to rest; unlike my soulless, midwestern parents, I don't play favorites.  And I most definitely don't have an inner circle- I'm not dictator Bush and you're not my cadre of fleeing-by-the-day sycophantic advisors.  So chill.  You'll find love in the legal world somewhere.  Perhaps the men's room at the Minneapolis Airport where Senator Larry Craig was looking.  But be careful of tapping of your toes too hard, it can lead to a nasty legal mess that will end your career.  Dunno if anonymous sex in public restrooms is your thing, but there are worse things in the world.  Like lawyers. 

But to answer your query, pro se litigation is a touchy business, fraught with insecurity and (let's be honest here) a dubious history.  Let's flashback for a moment: who are our most famous pro se litigants?  Well, there's Thomas Van Orden, a homeless lawyer with a suspended license, who spent years challenging religious displays on capitol grounds (a move I whole heartedly endorse but for the fact that he was, well, homeless, it might have been a better use of his time finding a job or a shelter). 

There's Jim Traficant, democratic representative from Ohio who presented his own defense in a case he lost, giving himself 8 years in the slammer for taking bribes, racketeering, and filing false tax returns.  Ah, remember the good ol' days when the worst our politicians did was some "creative" checkbooking?  

Then there's the queen of them all, Barbara Schwarz, who was (brace yourself) a German national raised in a submarine village under a lake in Utah until the age of four when she was kidnapped by Nazis, taken to Germany, and married a Scientologist.  Let's see Meryl Streep play that!  (Actually. we'll probably have to cast Anne Heche for sufficient 'wacko' appeal).

Schwarz has filed umpteen FOIA requests trying to prove that L. Ron Hubbard (of Scientology-founder fame) is her daddy, and that Dwight Eisnhower (of leader of the Free World fame) is her grandfather.  Let's wait for Maury Povich to weigh in on this one.  

And who could forget Long Island Railroad Masscre murderer Craig Ferguson, who represented himself on appeal after his lawyers in the original case failed to convince the jury that he was insane.  A decade plus later, if you google him, the words "delusional paranoid schizophrenic" are sure to flood your computer screen.  

In short, Sophie, try not to hover too closely to the crazies, though you do live in Lousiana, which may automatically disqualify you.  A word to the wise: next time Blue Williams gives you call, give yourself a good pep talk (or a good slap in the face) and go in for the interview.  Who knows, it might be a step in the right direction?  Or it could be the end of all things. 

Sweet dreams,

The Judge



   


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Dear Judged


Dear Your Honor,
Dear Judge,

Do you ever experience any physical danger in the courtroom?  You do deal with all those criminals, right? 

Sincerly,

Concerned Bailiff's Mommy



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