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Dear Judged > Archive
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Dear Judged
Symbolism.Your Honor:
Hi. It's me, SophieB. again. I am quite
perplexed and, perhaps, a little shaken. Do you play favorites? The
reason I say this is because I see where you have awarded people access to
your inner circle (symbolized by a crown) with only 7 postings or none,
crowns with red x's marked through them (and, admittedly, I don't
know what that means), gifts after a short posting, adjectives (flattering
or not) below their user names, among other things. I feel a little
unloved (not there is much love in the lawyer world anyway...).
By the way, I was invited for an interview with Blue Williams LLP
here in Mandeville. However, I chickened out because, well, I am a pro se
litigant.
Are you comfortable with pro se litigants?
SophieBee
posted 2007-08-13 11:13:33
Dear SophieBee,
My Dear Sophie,
dear, sweet, delusional, emotionally insecure
Sophie,
Put your fears to rest; unlike my soulless, midwestern
parents, I don't play favorites. And I most definitely don't have
an inner circle- I'm not dictator Bush and you're not my cadre of
fleeing-by-the-day sycophantic advisors. So chill. You'll find love
in the legal world somewhere. Perhaps the men's room at the
Minneapolis Airport where Senator Larry Craig was looking. But be careful
of tapping of your toes too hard, it can lead to a nasty legal mess that
will end your career. Dunno if anonymous sex in public restrooms is your
thing, but there are worse things in the world. Like lawyers.
But to answer your query, pro se litigation is a touchy business, fraught
with insecurity and (let's be honest here) a dubious
history. Let's flashback for a moment: who are our most famous pro se
litigants? Well, there's Thomas Van Orden, a homeless lawyer with a
suspended license, who spent years challenging religious displays on
capitol grounds (a move I whole heartedly endorse but for the fact that he
was, well, homeless, it might have been a better use of his time finding a
job or a shelter).
There's Jim Traficant, democratic
representative from Ohio who presented his own defense in a case he lost,
giving himself 8 years in the slammer for taking bribes, racketeering, and
filing false tax returns. Ah, remember the good ol' days when the
worst our politicians did was some "creative" checkbooking?
Then there's the queen of them all, Barbara Schwarz, who was (brace
yourself) a German national raised in a submarine village under a lake in
Utah until the age of four when she was kidnapped by Nazis, taken to
Germany, and married a Scientologist. Let's see Meryl Streep play
that! (Actually. we'll probably have to cast Anne Heche for sufficient
'wacko' appeal).
Schwarz has filed umpteen FOIA requests
trying to prove that L. Ron Hubbard (of Scientology-founder fame) is her
daddy, and that Dwight Eisnhower (of leader of the Free World fame) is her
grandfather. Let's wait for Maury Povich to weigh in on this one.
And who could forget Long Island Railroad Masscre murderer Craig
Ferguson, who represented himself on appeal after his lawyers in the
original case failed to convince the jury that he was insane. A decade
plus later, if you google him, the words "delusional paranoid
schizophrenic" are sure to flood your computer screen.
In
short, Sophie, try not to hover too closely to the crazies, though you
do live in Lousiana, which may automatically disqualify you. A word to the
wise: next time Blue Williams gives you call, give yourself a good pep talk
(or a good slap in the face) and go in for the interview. Who knows, it
might be a step in the right direction? Or it could be the end of all
things.
Sweet dreams,
The Judge
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Dear Judged
Dear Your Honor,
Dear Judge,
Do you ever experience any physical danger in the courtroom? You do deal with all those criminals, right?
Sincerly,
Concerned Bailiff's Mommy
+ more Judged Dear
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Do you ever experience any physical danger in the courtroom? You do deal with all those criminals, right?
Sincerly,
Concerned Bailiff's Mommy
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