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Dear Judged
MARRY FOR LOVE WITH OUT BEING BRIKETO YOUNG FEMALE ATTORNEYS, GET IN WITH THE BEST PAYING LARGE AMERICAN LAW FIRM WITH INTERNATIONAL OFFICES(ESPECIALLY IN LATIN AMERICA AND ITALY)AND TRANSFER TO ALL THE COUNTRIES YOU WANT TO VISIT. THEN DECIDE WHICH SINGLE ATTORNEY MAKES THE MOST MONEY THAT YOU CAN STOMACH AND MARRY HIM. THEN TAKE A LATIN LOVER AFTER GOING PART TIME, ANDPOLITIC FOR HUBBY TO ADVANCE. AFTER TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE IT ENDS UP ALL THE SAME. OH! SECRETLY STUDY FAMILY LAW BEHIND HUBBY,S BACK, STASH MONEY IN SWITZERLAND. I PROMISE AFTER THE DIVORCE YOU CAN MARRY FOR LOVE WITH OUT BEING BRIKE AND RUINING YOUR LOOKS FOR UNLOYAL PARTNERS WHO COULD CARE LESS IF YOU EVER HAVE A LIFE. fOR THE MEN, MARRY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT SPEAK A LOT OF ENGLISH, THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU AND NOT QUESTION YOUR SANITY FOR WORKING 100 HOURS PER WEEK.


CRWATTY
posted 2006-08-28 21:52:22


Dear CRWATTY,

Dear CRWATTY,

I hope you don't mind that I went ahead and moved your letter from the site problems question area to the Dear Judge column. The techs were, naturally, enormously interested in your capslocks of emotional turmoil, and made several suggestions about your own best actions in regard to your problems, but I thought you might appreciate the validation of having your words of wisdom shared with the rest of the Judged readers. I suppose they might have already seen it, if you happened to think of sending out a mass email to your entire contacts list whilst in this state of sexual frustration and ass-drunkenness, but I wanted to make sure.

Now then, CRWATTY, I'm glad you've reached out to me, and to the Judged readers like this.

(This is, of course, assuming that your rant bears any relationship to reality, rather than just being the plot of the screenplay you're trying to sell, which was my second thought. My first thought was that it was spam from some kind of mail order husband website. But it seemed like either one would know better from a marketing standpoint than to type in all-caps.)

To begin our healing process today, here is a pretty picture:

http://www.goin2travel.com/photoc2/c2122.jpg

Take a deep breath. Curl your toes in the sand. Try not to think about the fact that working a 100 hour week is perfectly reasonable grounds among non-attorneys for questioning your sanity, or at least your commitment to your marriage. Think instead of scantily clad and undemanding women with no ability to talk back.

http://www.thetravelzine.com/images2000/chateau_d.jpg

This is a safe place, a happy place. You can rest here in the knowledge that you will not have to deal with challenges to your penis. Breathe deep and...oh, crap, that's Switzerland, isn't it? Sorry.

Look, kittens! Who doesn't love kittens!?

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/kittens/index.html

Feel better?

If not, you can tell us, you know. Judged is always here for you. We - techs, readers, and Judge alike - look forward to hearing from you again.

Yours in good mental health,

The Judge
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Dear Judged


Dear Your Honor,
Dear Judge,

Do you ever experience any physical danger in the courtroom?  You do deal with all those criminals, right? 

Sincerly,

Concerned Bailiff's Mommy



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