1) I finally decided that since the holiday temperatures where I live have only recently stopped reaching highs in the 90’s, I would make my December more festive by buying a candle that smells like Christmas . . . .

‘Jingle smells, Jingle smells, Jingle all the way’
‘Oh what fun it is to sniff a spicy-pine scented can-DLE!’

2) Yesterday on Good Morning America, the news-folk featured a product called ‘Insta-snow’. It’s made out of the same material used in diapers to absorb liquid. You just add water, and POOF . . . .

‘Have a synthetic, polymer Christmas’
‘It’s the best time of the year’
‘Say hello to plastic snow’
‘That spreads fake Christmas cheer’

3) Don’t laugh, but I’ve never eaten chestnuts. So I bought some, and tried to heat them by the only means familiar to me in this age of techno-mania . . . .

‘Chestnuts exploding in the microwave’
‘Scrubbing chunks off of the walls’
‘Maybe I should have grown them myseeeeelf’
‘Instead of buying chestnuts in a can’