Gender: Female
Industry: Law
Age: Unknown
Location: Undisclosed

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The Fat Bug

Great!  This is just what America, the fattest country in the world, needs.  Now we have a brand new excuse for being tubby!  A recent edition of “Nature” magazine published an article in which were released the results of a study on the connection of certain types of intestinal bacteria, and obesity among human and rodent test subjects.  Apparently, the ratios of two premier types of intestinal microbes have been linked to obesity.  According to the study, the intestines of obese people have a higher ratio of Firmicutes, whereas the guts of the thin have a higher content of Bacteroidetes.  The Firmicutes tend to extract more calories from the food we eat, and these excess calories are absorbed by the body, often being deposited as fat.  In mice, it was discovered that when the intestinal microbes of fat mice were transplanted into the intestines of skinny mice, the skinny mice became fat.  These mice also began to absorb more calories from the same amount of food.  Tests subjects who dieted were found to have an increasing ratio of the Bacteroidetes in their guts, which was relative to the amount of weight lost.

The good news is that you can’t catch the fat bug from your fat friends.

12-21-2006

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A Second Chance?

Don’t ask me why I am so interested in this to begin with, but as it turns out, Miss USA will not be stripped of her crown as feared. A few days ago I wrote about how she had been behaving badly, getting sauced in public before her 21st birthday. Tisk tisk!
It seems that millionaire mogul Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA and Miss Universe contests, took pity on the poor princess, and ordered her to attend rehab. Then again, perhaps this is not a display of soft-heartedness on the part of Trump. I think it’s pretty darn embarrassing to be Miss USA at a rehab facility. I’ll bet they won’t have satin sheets for her highness there either.
Seriously, while it is appropriately humiliating to be sent to rehab, Tara Conner got off easy. It’s kind of sadly ironic that this title, which is supposed to be so coveted and looked up to by young girls everywhere, is held by someone who breaks laws. I could be upset that she is teaching young girls everywhere to emulate her bad behavior, but actually, it’s a great thing for young girls to see. Now the picture of pretty perfection has been spoiled by the jagged pill of reality. “Yes, little Suzie, even pretty princesses make mistakes. That’s why you have to go to school, and be smart, and run a Fortune 500 company when you grow up.”
Pretty doesn’t cut it anymore, thank goodness!

12-20-2006

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You like me, you really like me . . .

I just read a comment on our message boards that someone thinks the blogs have been getting, what was it, smarmie? But that they are a lot better. And for this reason, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of the jury which deliberated on the quality of the recent blogs. Thank you, thank you, no need for applause, really. Yes, I have been putting more effort into my blogging, dammit! I work my wig off to scour the pages of the news for interesting discussion topics. I come up with parodies and make cutsie jingles to entertain you. And darn it, none of you are posting any comments! WTF?

The purpose of this website is to be a completely uncensored discussion forum and a source for entertainment and information. You lazy bastards! Why don’t you start flappin’ you gums? How many times can I bait you with dynamic and inflammatory subject matter, only to be ignored by everyone (except legally blogged, thanks pal)???? I’m doing my best to start interesting discussions with you, and it has been my hope that, being lawyers and therefore pundits in the art of the argument, you might at least have the wherewithal to express you thoughts on the issues I present. Who knows, maybe you would actually enjoy arguing about topics that are current and newsworthy. Come on, you can’t tell me that each and every one of you is handling a case that is more up-to-date then every single one of the topics I’ve covered! And if you do have a case that is more interesting than the stupid hoopla that I’m blogging about, THEN WHY DON’T YOU SAY SO??!!!??

Work with me, people.   Sheesh!

12-19-2006

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“Miss USA, You’re Fired!”

Awwww! Poor Barbie! Miss USA is reportedly being “discussed” by members of the Miss USA organization and NBC, the network which televises the pageant, because of suspected sauciness at local bars. Her oh-so-eminent highness’ crown may be plucked from her flaxen head at any moment. What will the princess do if she cannot complete the sunset of her reign? Suppose she is booted from the ball with only four months to go!!!!!
Boo hoo, the party is over.
 
It seems, in fact, that the sparkling bubble of stardom has been perniciously popped for many members of the crowned royalty. Perhaps the torrid beauty queen will follow in the foolish footsteps of so many other princesses of late.

Take Nicole Richie, for example, who was recently discovered making her own driving rules on LA’s 134 Freeway. With her body and brain so starved of nutrients, the withered waif could not compute the following equation;   Pot + Vicodin + cell phone + SUV + Freeway = mug shot
No, Nicole, you are not rich enough, famous enough, or thin enough to drive against traffic on the freeway, better luck next time.

Then there is the Paris the Heiress, who so graciously received a DUI from local peasant police officers not long ago.
‘Tee Hee, is this a new kind of present? Why, like, thank you good sir. That’s hot!’

In the words of Miss Universe owner, Donald Trump, ‘Ladies, you’re fired!’

12-18-2006

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It’s a stretch to call this a scandal…

http://www.slate.com /id/2155501/

Believe me; no one enjoys watching politicians fall from grace in public scandals more than I do. It’s not because I hate them (even though I do hate most of them). It’s because its fun to watch people being called out on such large scale hypocrisy. Presidents getting caught in extramarital affairs, Congressmen whose mistresses turn up dead and have inappropriate relations with teenage boys….with material like this, it’s a mystery why tabloids focus on celebrities. Politicians are far more scandalous, and more fun to mock because unlike celebrities, they actually promote themselves as being moral. (Actually, after rereading this sentence, I just remembered why tabloids focus on celebrities: because they’re much more fun to look at than politicians. Moving on…)

That being said, there should be a threshold to what is considered a “scandal”. Of late, I’ve been hearing quite a bit about Senator Obama’s purchase of real estate from his supporter/ shady business man Tony Rezko. Granted, it probably wasn’t the best idea, but seriously, are we going to call this a scandal? I think we should reserve the really fun stuff for scandals, because this is just boring. I’d rather read US magazine than hear about this, and trust me, that’s really saying something.

12-15-2006

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